he sleeps with me here
in our fur-lined nest
among the hushing reeds
the whispering words of midnight
the song the river sings
heedless of nightly noises
we two, together, dream
he sleeps with me here in our fur-lined nest among the hushing reeds the whispering words of midnight the song the river sings heedless of nightly noises we two, together, dream |
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July 8, 2008
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Comments
Only suggestion would be that maybe you don't need 'the' at the beginning of the lines in the second strophe. But that's just stylistic, do what feels right to you.
--
Ed
"If you're not confused, you're misinformed." - Tom Clancy
The Trouble with a Love Poem
Thank you for your thoughtful comment and kind words.
Yeah, that happens. We try to do too many things, even when we're trying to stick to just the one. I seem to drift into iambic pentameter as soon as I start editing anything of mine.
--
Ed
"If you're not confused, you're misinformed." - Tom Clancy
The Trouble with a Love Poem
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